So here I am sitting in Borders on the most beautitful day we have had in the past few weeks, thinking about what I could share with you. Todays topic I think will include the art of people watching. Whenever I am in a populated area I cant help but have open ears to the other people around me. Im not like most people who somehow tune these sounds out. I hear the coffee machine brewing, the footsteps of the old man that just walked by, the soft jazz music playing in the background. Whats the point of this you might wonder? They are all forms of communication. If only subtle communication. They are things that arent spoken out loud. Movement is another form of communication. I beleive that both spoken and unspoken(body language) is important. To me I feel more comfortable wih body language. Take this coffee shop for instance. Its quiet, people are sitting patiently and calmly just reading away. Its like a break from the outside world.
Its interesting to note how people react and act towards eachother, right now Im whatching two elderly people who just look like they are beaming to see eachother. Its nice to see old people that still show interest in eachother.
I notice the pace of people. The pace they walk. The pace they talk, and the pace that they interact. Its easy to see what people are truly focused in on what they are doing or talking about. In these groups I notice there is a mutual mirroring going on.
I notice that there is an elderly guy around that is taking his time.He has everything neatly spaced out on his table.
I notice that people eyes seem to hold the secret of where their attention is. It is also a trick to staying in the present moment. Watching someones eyes. There has to be a secret to influence within the eyes.
Another thought: Children/adults with syndromes or diseases/autism or something like that I have noticed walk a little bit more casusiously then regualar individuals. It appears to me that they take a little more thought in doing things because a part of them might feel bad about making a mistake. Here they are living in a world that does not already accept them and treat them like they are normal individuals.
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Soo a part of me wishes I had someone else to share my thoughts with other then this computer right now, because I wish to feel like I'm going somewhere in my life. I wish I had a partner who accepts my thoughts, doesnt judge me, doesnt look at the front of me and think theres something wrong with my face. I need a person that sees a smile and knows Im ok. Knows that when Im not talking that I am still thinking and still wondering whats the next move.
Someone who doesnt mind just 'being" with me. Who I can sit somewhere and look over at and for some reason she is always smiling. Someone else who is just as happy as I am to be living. On this earth Im sure I will one day find this ideal woman of mine. I hope she plays an instrument. I hope she sings, I pray she is faithful. When I find her I pray that everything just falls into place.
To her:
I havent met you yet
but I can see you in my mind
I havent seen you yet
but I can imagine the way youd touch
I havent heard you yet
But I can kind of hear your voice
Soft and smooth
positive and beautiful
One day we will meet
and that day will be just as beautiful as the days before it
but something will be different
you will help me see, more then I can see now
you will help me hear, things I never paid attention too
I will help you see, sharing the world with you
I will help you hear, your inner voice
Together it will be funny to notice all the ways we complete eachother
I know it will be right, because It will feel right to tell her I love you
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Focus, stay focused.
Whats your point?
where are you headed?
to make a difference in the field of psychology
to bring back folk/love songs
to help take people out of their problem worlds and into the present
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what is the present?
^^^^^was that sentence the present, or is this one?
they are both now the past
Where do our emotions come from?
the way our thoughts interpret the world around us,
If I stub my toe
and then think in my mind worry about that toe all day,
then my whole day I will still be reliving that pain from when I stubbed my toe.
or
I could also stub my toe
and decide consciously to forget about it/let the pain go
then I can continue the day without feeling that pain.
Where do our thoughts come from?
beleifs, situations, people, things, places
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I feel as though most problems in my life currently come from being misunderstood.
This strong thought comes to me because im now remembering the night my parents called the cops on me and sent me to the hospital, and from there I went to a five day in patient program.
I came home bursting with energy. Excited about the world. Feeling as though I had finally cracked it. Cracked the secret of life. A mixture of patience, misdirection, suggestion, commands, body language communication.
I woke up to the understanding that our beleifs are limiting our feelings. Our thoughts are also controlling us to the point that they stop us.
I came home to my house singing, realizing that life is a stage. My thoguhts on body language was if your not moving, then you are "stuck" in your understanding of the world. Especially if your not moving, closed off, and mentally asleep.
I felt as thought I was in the most extreme present moment I had ever been in. My thoughts were clear and to the point. I had points. I had reasons. I had feelings. I could hear my own voice. Life made sense again.
But as I walked in the door I noticed my parents and in an attempt to get them feeling as great as I was. somehow anything I told them/showed them didnt work. My mom comes out with her arms crossed continually asking me if everything was ok, my dad a little bit more soft about things, and kept trying to tell me there was soemthing wrong and that I should go in the other room. But no matter how hard I tried to change their opinions and just allow them to see me in my truest form, the more they shut me out. getting louder and louder in tonality. angrier and angrier and worried and more worried. They kept telling me I was being angry, but in reality they were the ones responding with force. All their questions seems in my mind to only produce one answer. And it was NO. control control control
Earlier in the day I had a realization that something called a "yes ladder" is highly effective.Basically getting a person to continuously say yes to somehting without any uncionsious blockage, produces an easier and yes response to soemthing later on in a conversation. You can notice this when you talk to people and they are unconsioucly shaking their head yes or no. If you can control this, by just asking yes questions, then it is easier to get your points across to these individuals. Its like bypassing the critical factor in the mind. Theyve said yes to so many things, so anything else this person says must be true as well. I notice this in class with my teacher for social psychology. There is one kid who always states his answer in like 3 min parts. My teacher after about 5 seconds of trying to put her point of veiw into what he is saying gives up and just starts saying yes to everything he says. Its a werid phenomenon. Control control control.
So back to my parents and I. In trying to demonstrate yes and no attitudes in this world I accidentally didnt realize that my tonality was one of the reasons why my parents were freaking out. I was loud. Excited. Passionate. But I kept trying to get them to see the deeper me so much that some how I got sucked into their world of anger, and confusion. Instead of trying to talk it out, as in listening to my full thought, they kept trying to push their thoughts on to me. Its like they didnt want to hear me at all. The only thing they beleived was that I was having another "episode" and the only way to solve it was to send me to the hospital. And thats what they did. After really getting upset about their comments and them trying to control my actions and thoughts, the cops were called and I was sent to hospital. Control control control.
one has showed me signs of trust issues, insecurity, anger problems, insanity, and fast acting. Always rushing to make judgements about the world, as if everyone is out to hurt them.
two has showed me passive agressiveness. Telling me im angry instead of addressing what Im actually saying in conversation. Thus withholding feelings intill they have built up and then explode.
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There are problems and there are answers.
In language and speech there are statements, commands, and questions.
In crying there is sadness. In smiling there is happiness.
Is either real?
Why do we, I, and you worry about things after they have happened.
I worry about the future of my actions. From here I am still in the position of control from my parents. I am still seen only in the light that they see me. My only choice is to move out, and to make my own life. In that I will have an even greater peace.
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We are living in seperate worlds together.
We witness an accident. You could decide to get out and help but you dont. I would.
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Help me lord, o help me see the light
help me see the good inside of everyone
looking past the hardships.
help me find the right answers to the questions
I am asked.
Help me
Thank you lord, for allowing me to live
in such a beautiful place as this.
Everywhere I look
I feel comfort
I see in color,
I am breathing,
I am content.
thank you
today and tommorw Ill find the answer Ive been searching for.
Ill remember how to keep my self calm in any situation
Ill answer any question I am asked, but in my own time
Ill make it obvious of my needs
Vampire weekend is on the radio!! wooot a smile is on my face! Cusins
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If words
they create reality
then my thoughts
are becoming really real to me
call it sensitive
yeh im high
sensitivity
I analyse the things I hear around me
take your time to understand
Im
just
thinking
out
loud.
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