The Time Capsule

12.17.2010 pt 2

2010-12-17T13:39:00.000-08:00

so heres to today
today i will treat you how youve suggested you are
today i will call out all of your mistakes
today everytime you pause I will note it
I will put emphasis on everything you said in the past
bring up past mistakes
past views on your life
I'll take a highlight marker to your flaws

so heres today
put you down
put me down
bring us down
focus on our flaws
and so it goes

flaws

12.17.2010 pt 1

2010-12-17T12:54:00.000-08:00

yup
tomorrows the day
the day of my test
A & P
heading towards
a choice descision
I made in the summer
was it to just stay home?
to have a place to live
without hassle and worrying of
the responsibility
it takes to handle my own apartment

looking around
again and again
like checking the fridge for food
over and over
but havent gone shopping
same things are still there

like looking at a picture
deeper and deeper
maybe there is something youve missed
maybe this time will be different
noticing some sort of pattern
life is here
focused thought
focused doing
everything im doing now
im in control of
and so is everyone else
if something were to happen
people would react as if theyve been trained
by all their experiences from this point back
if none of those things worked
then they would cry out
this is impossible!
you are difficult
here come the names

questioning everything
are you really yourself?
or are you just someone Ive made you into
unintentionally
youve fallen into trap
that youve set up
tomorrow will be different
you think tomorrow ill feel that way again
the love we felt when we first met
the patience I had with you
a fast paced thing
i was quick to jump
quick to act
quick to say
quick to opionate
my ways the right way
but we all think we're right
in our own time

should i be ashamed of my thoughts?
no
should i be locked away why you flurish with ideas and movement and life?
no
these things being correct
i will feel open again soon
soon is now
now is now
then is then
now is then is soon
deeply aware
of movements

being awake
eyes open
hearing on
motion detecting on
on and always will be

your wish list fulfilled
in red
red to be some sort of attraction thing

hypnosis!
what a wonderful IDEA
the concept that I will talk
and You will listen
doing what ever I tell you
because any other way is not going with the flow
what? you have your own state of mind?
what? you have your own feelings about what Im saying?
impossible!
your hypnotized!
yet still awake
still thinking for yourself
just momentairly
at your weakest
least guarded state of mind
interrupted by another
like being caught naked by a gunman
now your forced to do everything the say
and feel vulnerable
kind of like that
yet maybe not that picture
more like.. your here
and your going to do what i say
and if you dont
then your not going
"with the flow"

how to get my music into others mind
and unconsious mind?

people love to hear about things that make them happy
take them away
people are very visual
words have to be colorful
words have to have meaning
must be said with emotion
must be real
fakeness will come off fake
unreal
like a big lie
your trying to convince someone of something that isnt going to work

song:

something about waking up
for the first time
you are hear
weve never met
but we see eachother from far
and feel the same
mirroring?
following instruction?
great with energy?>
remembering today?>
really living
today
really being inspired
what really inspires me?
life love happiness
hypnosis
juggling
presentation
thought deepness
depth
of a pictrue
of a quality
of an emotion
pauses
how fast quickly
deeply I am put aside
lost in the world of the perso I am veiwing
how fast I was taken away

with these words
im picking you up off the ground
and we are going far away
you dont know where im taking you
but soon your eyes will be open
you will be here

like laying n the train tracks
next moment back in body
sojmewhere else
soemthings not right
ive lost my sense of imagination
i cant be myself
something holding me back
something that youve said
not physically
metaphysically
locked
with words
cemented to the ground

they tried to shut me down
their feet cememnted to the ground
they clipped my wings with words
as I began to fly.

be back-taking a break :)

Continuous time

2010-04-03T02:11:00.000-07:00

O What a night! Started out with the decision to stay local and hit up a few bars around town with my cousin dario.

song time.

guitar out. 5:18 in the morning

thinking about karen
she FELT wonderful tonight

when i closed my eyes i was right next to her.
and for a while i felt really connected to her
i need to stay focused on her
tomorrow i will see her
maybe
yes
i will see her after i am done in ocean city with my parents

o your eyes
how they pulled me in
familiar
but your touch is what kept me craving for more
so soft
telling me something
each feeling was a new viewpoint
it painted your picture to me
before i felt your hand you were just an image
or a movie i could say

interesting that you liked me scent!
so im glad you could smell me

focus on her dom
shes prolly sleeping now
thinking of me
in the back of her mind..because im thinking of her
i wish i could see her
i wish i had a picture
i wish i had soemthing to remember her by at this very moment
so now begins the search
my journey

2010-03-26T15:45:00.001-07:00

They are right, I am wrong. Black white. la la la. " I dont want you to live here anymore" why? because " I just dont" Where is the critical thought in that sentence? o wait, there is none. Today has been very interesting, and for my parents im sure its been a confusing roller coaster of emotions. which is not good, bc its the exact opposite of what I was trying to do. WTF! how frustrating it is to speak to someone who consistently stands by the positions of I DONT KNOW, and I hear what your saying, and asking, but im not going to interrupt you or correct your incorrect judgements of me.

I see group fear to confront a problem. I see individual fear to confront misunderstanding. I see a reaction to anger, What is anger?!?? why do people get so emotional? I learned about in school something called flight or fight, so thats why I have put that in to use.

So lets get to what happened today. Sitting on the couch playing guitar and learning some new music that i just picked up at the music shop. mom came in said hi, crystal came in and started literally whining and crying about how badly she wanted to get this new house. My mother told her to not get to attached. At the same time, (me still working on my song while they sat down next to me) was told to be quiet. all of the sudden. ???? all of the sudden the noise from my guitar was soooooooo loud that they couldnt carry on with a conversation???? Im sorry but this is an incorrect assumption. I did a speech on a study that was done on noise in the background of a test taking enviornment and it showed that the noise/music did not affect the test takers.....If it didnt effect them, then there is something solid in that. to me its seems like a control game. So i got up and went into the other room. Why should my spirit be tampered with to the point I have to stop the direction im going in my life to worry. they could have easily moved to the dinner table to have their conversation.So in the other room practicing "lullaby" crystal came in after a few minutes and apologized in an interesting voice. then left. I went back into the living room. More house talk. But this time my dad was there and so was mike, crystals husband. I brought my guitar out again and quietly began playing lullaby. as they were having their conversation. Everything seemed fine. As they all were talking i noticed that the volume of their voices were all slow and monotone, while my mothers almost sounded angry and loud, like she was trying to overcomepensate for something, like maybe she felt belittled. So i tried to me mention that her tonality was above normal volume. And my dad asked me " what am i talking about" and I said out of fear of a fight quickly " i dont know" he replied in a mean way, "thats right"..... after a few minutes of sitting there and the rest of the conversation continuing on. I said to my dad " you know what that was not nice, i do know what i was trying to say, i was trying to say that mom was talking over everyone else. ...Dad- " lets ask the group,hey crystal- I imidiately got up and went into the other room. After a few more minutes I recieved a text message from my dad saying "how old are you? stop acting like your 10."

Lets stop there for a second. I suddenly felt like screaming. I suddenly wanted to run as fast as I could in the other direction and cry. I honestly felt like fighting. I felt sad that he would talk down to me like that. It was like a SECOND slap in the face. (first was when he tried to bring the group into our convo.) btw the reason why I got up and left was that in the past my father has played this kind of if Im(me) "acting irrationaly" about something he will imidiately run to my mom and get her to side with him. This puts me in a crazy position. Suddenly its not a matter of what im thinking and what im saying, suddenly i have to now try and convince two opposed irrational thinkers that what Im trying to say to them is not crazy. la la la. so thats why I ran. I felt trapped.

but after I got that text after a few minutes I came back into the room. My mom smiling, my sis and mike all happy about something, more alive then they were a few minutes ago: as in they were providing more body language. My mom asked me to play a my new songs. Three songs go by, dear spring, our love has just begun, and two hands. and our conversation ends.

I could have choosen to just forget it and let it all go, but as we were all heading for the door to get the car ready while my mom was getting ready, my dad tried to get me to come into the other room and dicuss with him why I had reacted the way I did. because he didnt understand. Stubbornly i told him no, why dont we just talk about here. dad-No, lets talk about it in here. me-no lets talk about it out here. la la la.

So i started at the beginning and from here on out the conversation is recorded on my phone. Arguing outside with my mom and dad about what happened.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh my mind is blank
la la la

dad - i dont understand, i dont understand. la la la

me- repeating story with more emphasize on how I felt.

dad- i dont understand, i dont understand. this time shaking his head

convo is on my phone from here

but it ends with me getting into the car with everyone and my sister telling me ok , everyone has to talk about the house. This includes me mike and the parents.

me- o so this is a business dinner. wait so i cant talk about it?

her-(pretty much) only we can

Thanks for excluding me! what night that would have been If i had stayed in the car. instead i did the next best thing, drove to angelos, got pizza and a cheesesteak, and now Im at borders. here again. pondering life, logic, and wisdom, and how I want to change my parents opinion of me. I need to change that. I need to be seen as a normal human being to them in their eyes. Its my goal. Its almost like, without that how do I KNOW that they truly love me? If they cant even see the bigger picture and let this go, and try and fix our problems, then why should I worry about it so much? I dont want to ever go to the hospital again. I KNOW im NOT CRAZY. I am a logical being, and I am very strong in my beliefs, but I am MALLIABLE! everyday I try and add and subtract from this map of life I have in my head. People are fundamentally all good! Its situation and "emotion" that gets in the way.
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So Ive been here for about a half hour or so, why havent I approached the girl sitting next to me? fear of rejection? no. I am all about right timing. Situation hasnt put us together yet. I havent seen my way in to her life/ she hasnt found me in hers.

la la la

Could be the last!

2010-03-11T11:02:00.000-08:00

2pm.Today, just like any other normal day of our lives, could be the last day of mine. My biggest fears of flying in an airplane keep coming to my mind with every minute that brings me closer to my time to leave for Orlando, FL. Yeh Im afraid! but just a little haha. I do not FEEL as if it is my time to go though, which is good. I feel like there would be some message from above if anything was ever going to happen...at least id pray. But who would want to know when there gonna go? I guess we should just do like the song says. Live like were dying!

Just in case!: I love you mom! I love you dad! I love you sophia! I love you crystal! I love you scooby! I love you cocoa! I love you rocket! I love you marina,dana, heather, jessica, cindy, tricia! haha!

Ok now that I got that out of my system I feel better! woot!

So im sitting here at borders again, which seems like its going to be my place of thought for the next few months until I find a new even better place to type my thoughts...probably under a tree in the summer, or on the ocean city beach! That sounds nice :) I like that thought, so im gonna put my fingers together, take two deep breaths, close my eyes, and bam! any uneasiness is now leaving my body! It kind of feels like letting all the tension go in your body to find a calm happy center, and then anchoring yourself to just that feeling, and moving from there( with still that feeling)

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So one day I'd like to publish a book. A book with my thoughts, my findings on life, hypnosis, music, love, anything I could write down that would help my future generation know a little bit more then I know.

On that thought

PAY ATTENTION IN SCHOOL!
STUDY YOUR NOTES
READ THE TEXTBOOK
STUDY DAYS BEFORE YOUR EXAM
SIT IN THE FRONT AND CENTER OF THE CLASS
MAKE FRIENDS WITH YOUR TEACHER LIKE YOU WOULD A FRIEND
DO NOT EVER CHEAT-bad idea beleive me! and its not worth it, and it comes back to haunt daydreams and such..

ok thats good for now, Ill give you more if I think of any!

So everyday Ive been trying to keep myself mentally active, to make sure that I stay sharp! I go to borders and read, or Ive been reading a book by dale carnegie, how to win friends and influence people. Ive also been playing guitar a good amount, and hanging out with my friends Josh, dan,emily, and tricia.

O how I miss jessica
O how I miss the connection we shared
the playfulness of our conversations
going through a full day with a british accent
which other people beleived!
but we new the truth.
Its like we shared a secret bubble
like we both spoke the same language for once

but
she lives so far away,
and I beleive the pain
of waiting for her
ruined it in my mind
our relationship
I felt lonely
i was scared
she was out of my league
maybe
it just wasnt the right time
for us
maybe in another year
when shes home
maybe then

maybe not

Where do you see yourself in five years?
I dont know. For some reason I havent yet developed my thoughts to think into the future and literally see myself in five years. Its hard for me to picture these things when the question seems illogical. It should be worded, where do you imagine/wish to see yourself in five years..
In that case I wish/imagine myself to be swimming in pile of gold coins like the one donald duck had in that room of his house. Or maybe playing guitar/ writing songs with some of the greats of my time. They are no different then me, we are all human. If they can do it so can I. Maybe in five years I'll have a hit song! that would be cool. Or maybe in five years I'll have won the lottery! wooooooot! that would be great. ok ok ok enough of that for now.

Sometimes when I think of psychological disorders, after bringing to my attention my past few times when something out of the ordinary happened, I wonder if maybe I "have" alot of different psycological disorders....but Id like to think of them as psychological advantages. I see myself as above the regualar individuals of my world. But at the same time, knowing that that was just a thought, I feel the same.
Sometimes I have felt above the moment.
Sometimes my thoughts race
sometimes my thoughts are answers
to questions Ive been asking all my life
but sometimes others like to shut me down
until im as quiet as a stone under a shoe
the challenge is to remain strong
to remain kind, curteous, friendly
and not get "angry" blah blah blah
Id like to think of the past times
my parents said I was being angry
that they are wrong, because they were wrong
I wasnt being angry.
I was trying to show them the difference between negative and positive
tonality,
body language
its not fair,
the only thing that was different was my tonality
I was thinking faster
my thoughts seemed more together
even looking back on it, I can see what I was trying to achieve
and my words to describe it is
a hightened level of consciousness in my family.

It was like I was there
heaven on earth
yet, Id look around and see
"all your sympathetic eyes"

last time I did mushrooms
it was if peoples faces were coming out of there face
=) ))))))))
I looked at them and there face looked like it was trying to reach out to me

I used to think the people around me were always trying to contact me
like when you think about it
where does an idea come from.
most of the time it is your surroundings and the people around you, words and sayings you hear create thoughts in my head.

Having A little childs look on life.
is like staying young at heart.
Its interesting to note that a childs world is always changing in their minds. Every day they wake up and learn something new: about themselves, about the world they live in, I wonder if there is a system I can create to mold/ create a childs mind to super effective. Can I create a super child? sounds ridiculous now, but maybe as I grow older I will learn new ways to keep young and when I have a child someday ill make sure that they learn instruments at an early age! and understand music theory, piano, guitar, bass, drums, anything they want!

everyday Ill try and remember to sing when Im at home and around my children. Creating a peaceful enviornment for my children. Maybe make a song a day with my childs words that they say. That could reinforce the words they know, and everyday I could teach them a new word by putting it in a song.hmmm

Zoneing off. Whats the point. Sometimes I notice myself looking off into the distance at basically nothing, and it feels like I am unaware of things. la la la

Ask a question. and then refine their answers to a few choices.
IE: What's your tastE?
Lively? rich? bold? at seattles best coffee we smooth roast three different styles of coffee to give you the right coffee tast for any time of the day, any time of the year. So whether you prefer the clean, balanced finish of seattles best blend, the richness of henrys blend, or the powerful full body of breakfast blend, theres always a coffee just for you at seattles best coffee.

First Id like to note the name of the coffee. Seattles BEST coffee...LOL! right off the back is a suggestion to the consumer that you are having the best coffee. another thought is that they said three choices in the beginning and then emphasized three of their own coffee brands at the end. hmm. kind of interesting but not really. More on this at a later time.

Lets bring my atention to go to this girl in the black sitting at a table a few feet away from me.Shes cute. Looks like shes doing her work or homework for a class. possibly a student. Her outfit suggests she could be a hostess or a waiter at a restuarant, or work at an office. But whats interesting is I will never know untill I sit down and have a conversation with her. la la la

Sooo music!
love it, makes me feel good.
I plan on writing many songs about my adventures this week in my upcoming blogs so please stay tuned and thank you for reading my thoughts!

God bless you all, and live laugh peace and love!
todays song in my head will be Fly me to the moon-frank sinatra

thoughts for my children

2010-03-09T15:23:00.000-08:00

When thinking about thoughts I would want to share with my children at this time in my life I think of love! Smiles! Dancing; at anytime and anyplace. Be yourself! Do anything you want to! (with respects to your morals and values of course.) It seems that being quiet and just listening to the world around creates an intersting outlook on life.

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thats all for now :) off to open mic at starbucks and then pa!

thinking out loud

2010-03-08T14:15:00.001-08:00

So here I am sitting in Borders on the most beautitful day we have had in the past few weeks, thinking about what I could share with you. Todays topic I think will include the art of people watching. Whenever I am in a populated area I cant help but have open ears to the other people around me. Im not like most people who somehow tune these sounds out. I hear the coffee machine brewing, the footsteps of the old man that just walked by, the soft jazz music playing in the background. Whats the point of this you might wonder? They are all forms of communication. If only subtle communication. They are things that arent spoken out loud. Movement is another form of communication. I beleive that both spoken and unspoken(body language) is important. To me I feel more comfortable wih body language. Take this coffee shop for instance. Its quiet, people are sitting patiently and calmly just reading away. Its like a break from the outside world.

Its interesting to note how people react and act towards eachother, right now Im whatching two elderly people who just look like they are beaming to see eachother. Its nice to see old people that still show interest in eachother.

I notice the pace of people. The pace they walk. The pace they talk, and the pace that they interact. Its easy to see what people are truly focused in on what they are doing or talking about. In these groups I notice there is a mutual mirroring going on.

I notice that there is an elderly guy around that is taking his time.He has everything neatly spaced out on his table.

I notice that people eyes seem to hold the secret of where their attention is. It is also a trick to staying in the present moment. Watching someones eyes. There has to be a secret to influence within the eyes.

Another thought: Children/adults with syndromes or diseases/autism or something like that I have noticed walk a little bit more casusiously then regualar individuals. It appears to me that they take a little more thought in doing things because a part of them might feel bad about making a mistake. Here they are living in a world that does not already accept them and treat them like they are normal individuals.
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Soo a part of me wishes I had someone else to share my thoughts with other then this computer right now, because I wish to feel like I'm going somewhere in my life. I wish I had a partner who accepts my thoughts, doesnt judge me, doesnt look at the front of me and think theres something wrong with my face. I need a person that sees a smile and knows Im ok. Knows that when Im not talking that I am still thinking and still wondering whats the next move.

Someone who doesnt mind just 'being" with me. Who I can sit somewhere and look over at and for some reason she is always smiling. Someone else who is just as happy as I am to be living. On this earth Im sure I will one day find this ideal woman of mine. I hope she plays an instrument. I hope she sings, I pray she is faithful. When I find her I pray that everything just falls into place.

To her:
I havent met you yet
but I can see you in my mind
I havent seen you yet
but I can imagine the way youd touch
I havent heard you yet
But I can kind of hear your voice
Soft and smooth
positive and beautiful
One day we will meet
and that day will be just as beautiful as the days before it
but something will be different
you will help me see, more then I can see now
you will help me hear, things I never paid attention too
I will help you see, sharing the world with you
I will help you hear, your inner voice
Together it will be funny to notice all the ways we complete eachother
I know it will be right, because It will feel right to tell her I love you
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Focus, stay focused.
Whats your point?
where are you headed?
to make a difference in the field of psychology
to bring back folk/love songs
to help take people out of their problem worlds and into the present
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what is the present?
^^^^^was that sentence the present, or is this one?
they are both now the past

Where do our emotions come from?
the way our thoughts interpret the world around us,

If I stub my toe
and then think in my mind worry about that toe all day,
then my whole day I will still be reliving that pain from when I stubbed my toe.

or

I could also stub my toe
and decide consciously to forget about it/let the pain go
then I can continue the day without feeling that pain.

Where do our thoughts come from?
beleifs, situations, people, things, places
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I feel as though most problems in my life currently come from being misunderstood.

This strong thought comes to me because im now remembering the night my parents called the cops on me and sent me to the hospital, and from there I went to a five day in patient program.

I came home bursting with energy. Excited about the world. Feeling as though I had finally cracked it. Cracked the secret of life. A mixture of patience, misdirection, suggestion, commands, body language communication.

I woke up to the understanding that our beleifs are limiting our feelings. Our thoughts are also controlling us to the point that they stop us.

I came home to my house singing, realizing that life is a stage. My thoguhts on body language was if your not moving, then you are "stuck" in your understanding of the world. Especially if your not moving, closed off, and mentally asleep.

I felt as thought I was in the most extreme present moment I had ever been in. My thoughts were clear and to the point. I had points. I had reasons. I had feelings. I could hear my own voice. Life made sense again.

But as I walked in the door I noticed my parents and in an attempt to get them feeling as great as I was. somehow anything I told them/showed them didnt work. My mom comes out with her arms crossed continually asking me if everything was ok, my dad a little bit more soft about things, and kept trying to tell me there was soemthing wrong and that I should go in the other room. But no matter how hard I tried to change their opinions and just allow them to see me in my truest form, the more they shut me out. getting louder and louder in tonality. angrier and angrier and worried and more worried. They kept telling me I was being angry, but in reality they were the ones responding with force. All their questions seems in my mind to only produce one answer. And it was NO. control control control

Earlier in the day I had a realization that something called a "yes ladder" is highly effective.Basically getting a person to continuously say yes to somehting without any uncionsious blockage, produces an easier and yes response to soemthing later on in a conversation. You can notice this when you talk to people and they are unconsioucly shaking their head yes or no. If you can control this, by just asking yes questions, then it is easier to get your points across to these individuals. Its like bypassing the critical factor in the mind. Theyve said yes to so many things, so anything else this person says must be true as well. I notice this in class with my teacher for social psychology. There is one kid who always states his answer in like 3 min parts. My teacher after about 5 seconds of trying to put her point of veiw into what he is saying gives up and just starts saying yes to everything he says. Its a werid phenomenon. Control control control.

So back to my parents and I. In trying to demonstrate yes and no attitudes in this world I accidentally didnt realize that my tonality was one of the reasons why my parents were freaking out. I was loud. Excited. Passionate. But I kept trying to get them to see the deeper me so much that some how I got sucked into their world of anger, and confusion. Instead of trying to talk it out, as in listening to my full thought, they kept trying to push their thoughts on to me. Its like they didnt want to hear me at all. The only thing they beleived was that I was having another "episode" and the only way to solve it was to send me to the hospital. And thats what they did. After really getting upset about their comments and them trying to control my actions and thoughts, the cops were called and I was sent to hospital. Control control control.

one has showed me signs of trust issues, insecurity, anger problems, insanity, and fast acting. Always rushing to make judgements about the world, as if everyone is out to hurt them.

two has showed me passive agressiveness. Telling me im angry instead of addressing what Im actually saying in conversation. Thus withholding feelings intill they have built up and then explode.
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There are problems and there are answers.
In language and speech there are statements, commands, and questions.
In crying there is sadness. In smiling there is happiness.
Is either real?

Why do we, I, and you worry about things after they have happened.

I worry about the future of my actions. From here I am still in the position of control from my parents. I am still seen only in the light that they see me. My only choice is to move out, and to make my own life. In that I will have an even greater peace.

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We are living in seperate worlds together.

We witness an accident. You could decide to get out and help but you dont. I would.

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Help me lord, o help me see the light
help me see the good inside of everyone
looking past the hardships.
help me find the right answers to the questions
I am asked.
Help me

Thank you lord, for allowing me to live
in such a beautiful place as this.
Everywhere I look
I feel comfort
I see in color,
I am breathing,
I am content.
thank you

today and tommorw Ill find the answer Ive been searching for.
Ill remember how to keep my self calm in any situation
Ill answer any question I am asked, but in my own time

Ill make it obvious of my needs

Vampire weekend is on the radio!! wooot a smile is on my face! Cusins

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If words
they create reality
then my thoughts
are becoming really real to me
call it sensitive
yeh im high
sensitivity
I analyse the things I hear around me
take your time to understand
Im
just
thinking
out
loud.

Two hands

2010-03-06T15:53:00.000-08:00

7:00pm

Where should I begin? My thoughts? My background? My lifes story? My perspective? Any of these would take me hours to write about for you to get a full picture. But, I must start somewhere, so I have decided to begin with today and all the blanks will be filled in later. Let me begin by telling you I am currently a student at BCC with a major in psychology. At age 17 I was one of the youngest in the USA with a certification in Hypnotherapy. At 16 I began teaching myself guitar. At 14 I began writing poetry and songs.

From here on, forgive me cause I jump around alot, I have and want to cover alot of different ideas to share with you.

Most of my life I have felt like I was stuck within myself. Like nobody understood me.

In highschool psychology class I felt as though all the problems that are written in the DSM-IV were fake. Hypnosis seems to be the cure to me. The mind can solve it all. Cure it all.

I recently volunteered at Kaliedescope Handicapped Riding and must admit a part of me wanted to cry. From the moment these kids walked in it appeared to me that they were living in a world that was bound by laws on how they should think act and feel. There mothers and fathers were quick to tell me what there problems and diseases were, one lady claiming that she was afraid her son would not be able to see later in life. Looking at him I noticed he was wearing thick dark glasses indoors, supposedly the child reported to his mother that his eyes hurt from light, so the doctor gave him special glasses. When they went outside his mom switched him to even darker ones to the point that I beleive that this kid couldnt see anything at all.

If I was his father everyday I would work on some kind of eye exercise to try and strengthen his eye muscles. I would give him a few hours each night without his glasses to try and strengthen the part of his eyes that CAN see, and not focus so much on the fact that he can barely see.

When I talked to this kid and he did have his glasses off, I noticed that his eyes were not looking at me at all, always avoiding me. When I did step in the direction that his eyes were focused in they immediately went a different way.

When someones eyes avoid me I feel as though they are asleep. That they are truly not behind the steering wheel. Or that they are not really focused on the here and now. Think about it, the next time you are talking to someone, notice where you look.

Persuasion tactics:

I have noticed that if I do move around to where the eyes go that I am more in the present moment with the individual I am talking to. The more I can get there eyes to be focused on me the more I can help them. Especially when I am walking back and forth, if the eyes follow me in a slow fluid manner I feel as though I am doing an actual immediate form of EMDR.

I had a teacher last semester named Mrs. Smith that constantly walked back and forth from left to right throughout the class. Spewing out ideas concepts and definitions like it was no bodys business. I beleive there is a deeper reason to why she did this.

Personally when I am talking to someone and I am walking back and forth or continuously moving I have noticed that my thoughts seem more fluid, more constant, I am able to stay on the topic easierly, I am able to not be persuaded as much as when I am standing still. I beleive it has some type of deeper importance in persuasion. This: it is easier to hypnotize someone who is not moving, easier to persuade them your way. The more you have someone close to a sleep like state the more easier it is to in a way keep your thoughts going over theirs.

Some people I have noticed have other ways of doing this instead of walking back and forth and that is by using a steady and loud tonality. They sound unstoppable, as if their thoughts are never going to end. they just keep going and going. Take amanda this past friday at school, from the second she arrived to the second class began she was constantly talking in a line, as if to release some type of emotional stress through words. Unconsiously I feel shes admitting the same type of vibe vienna had. Controlling. Habitual to bad habits. Emotional. I am extrememly attracted to her body. But her mind isnt there. She is too caught up in her life and her problems.

Other ways I have noticed people continue to pace/ back and forth movements are through hand gestrues to eachother. Body language. continously moving. Like a river people are always flowing.

Now my thought is, remembering moments of my day when I have felt ahead of the game, in terms of conversation and body language. They move, I move, I stop, they stop, I keep going, change thought, move on to next topic.

There is something linked in persuasion and the ability to change topics and keep someones conscious mind moving.

Now on to my feelings about God. Back in Florida I had an interesting experience and enlightenment. I was trying to reach, in my mind, by relaxing my body consistently with breathing techniques and tai chi, to reach the place where a thought begins. To theoretically slow down time in my world to the point where I am aware of everything around me. All the people that are talking around me. Hearing each one individually having a conversation. It sounded like they were all talking to me. Trying to contact me in some way. I remember a time last febuary I was laying on the couch with a girl I was dating, jessica, and she had just invited a group of friends over and they were all standing in the kitchen out of my view. I then got a strange feeling like they were trying to contact me. Within their conversations I could hear things like "look over here". Maybe they really were just trying to get my attention. Who really knows but God now.

PS: I am writing this blog as my time capsule to my kids. So they can know and get a sense for the life I lived, the experiences I went through, the world I lived in. So they can live an even more fulfilling life then I have, maybe get even ever closer to god then I have felt. Truly find love. Truly be happy. Explore more then I have, see more. LEARN MORE. Focus on whats important my loves!

My most recent song for you before I go for the night: Its called TWO HANDS, and it puts my feelings towards those children I met that day at the handicapped riding and also some of my hypnosis techniques. Please enjoy :)

If I could change it all,
If I could change the world
like I want to.

In my world thered be no pain
and any suffering
would get comforted

cause this is what I'm here for,
this is what Im saying
listen to the children
lifes about playing
Im praying right now
for the people on this earth
wake up my friends
to your true potentials worth

Baby please
could you do this one thing for me
close your eyes and breath
and be here with me, be here with me

If you can hear my words
no matter where you are
then you are listening

know that I am here for you
even if its 2AM and I'll always be

God gave us two hands for a reason
put us on the earth like the change in the seasons
look around my friends if you see someone down
pick them right up you might turn their life around
turn their life around

baby please,
could you do this one thing for me
close your eyes and breath
and be here with me
be here with me

cause this is what Im here for,
this is what im saying
listen to the children
lifes about playing
Im praying right now for the people on this earth
wake up my friends to your true potentials worth
god gave us two hands for a reason
put us on the earth like the change in the seasons
look around my friends if you see someone down
pick them back up you might turn their life around
turn their life around

baby please,
could you do
this
one thing
for me
close your eyes
and breath
and
be
here
with
me

Well for right now I think Im done going down memory lane, and I will try and update this blog as much as I can with my thoughts. Thank you for reading!. 3/6/2010 at 7:36pm